Good-Bye Grandma

From the moment I could remember, my grandma was always a big part of my life. Before her death, I hadn’t had to deal with this type of loss. It started as a visit to The Dells in June of last year. We always had yearly outings, water fun, food, shopping, and tours. We were close and spoke often. I would go to see her in Arizona a couple times a year, and she would visit us. #Grandma #Loss #Arizona

She tripped and fell in the hotel room. “No big deal,” the emergency room doctor said. “She’ll have to have rehab, but she’ll be fine.” Fifteen days later, she was gone. In the two weeks she was in the hospital, she had one medical issue after another happen. I felt utterly useless. Though she would say, just seeing my face helped. True to herself, my eighty-six-year-old grandma could be spirited and always managed to make me laugh. Swear words would come out of her mouth when she wasn’t happy.  One of her nurses called her feisty, that was true! #Feisty #Hospital 

  I wasn’t with her when she passed. I didn't get to say good-bye. My mom was there, holding her hand. The feeling of hopelessness was the hardest, knowing there was nothing you could do. The last words I spoke to her were “I love you.” We always ended our conversations that way. Since then, I think of her often. A song or smell triggers a memory, a bittersweet but good one. She always called my favorite band the Goo Goo Gals instead of Goo Goo Dolls. It’s a treasured recollection now, along with her epic hugs. #Iloveyou #Memories #Mom

I don’t think you ever get over a loss like this. I was trying to repress the grief, instead of allowing myself to feel it. I acted like it didn’t happen. These days, I cherish the moments I had with her. I can now reflect back with my family and even laugh. Every once in a while, I get a pain that hits me in the heart. She took a piece of me with her. #Grief #Laughter