This is Just Me

I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to talk about what it’s like for me to be autistic. My mom said she always knew I was autistic. In the early 2000s, unless you were severely affected, getting the diagnosis was not readily given. I was diagnosed with Level 1 with a secondary diagnosis of ADD when I was eight. I prefer to be called neurodivergent, and a side of this is just me. My main difficulties are with social issues, cues, and such, and processing. #Autism #ADD

 I didn’t start talking until I was four years old. I knew about seventy-five signs. They vanished once I started to speak, and I have no memory of any of them, weird. My awareness was not always on point, this could be a distraction and give me unwanted eyes. The teachers would try to divert me. I just remember thinking, “What am I doing wrong?” I would eventually be able to modify my behaviors in school because the attention I received was uncomfortable at best. My home is the place where I could be me with all of my eccentricities, with no judgment.  #School #Nojudgement

My slow processing has always been hard for me. I wish I could figure out how to process everything faster. Sometimes I get it right away, and other times it can take me days. In school, this was especially hard because they just thought I wasn’t paying attention, or worse, I was just not smart enough. This came to a head in middle school and was a defining moment. A meeting was called to discuss my Independent Education Plan (IEP). We wanted to talk about adding some accommodations to help me get more organized. This was one of the first IEPs I attended.  #IEP #Middleschool

To this day, when brought up to me, it makes me so angry and sad. This meeting had four of my teachers, my mom, and the principal in attendance. We were discussing ways to help get me more organized in class. This is when one of the teachers just blurted out, “He can’t do it, he can’t do any of it.” This is when three of the other teachers followed suit and just kept saying horrible things about just how terrible of a student I am. This is something that I will remember for the rest of my life. I was in tears and said, “What do you want me to do?” My mom stood up on the verge of tears and told me to leave the room. She came out several minutes later shaking, and said, “You are perfect.” I found out later that she told them they were never to speak to me again that way. Fast forward a little, and I started going to an organizational coach. I was on the honor roll for the rest of my middle school years. #Honorroll #Anger

   Social issues and cues UGH! Have you ever watched The Big Bang Theory? The episode where Sheldon gets that device from MIT that is supposed to help him with people's facial expressions. That’s a real struggle and something I work on all the time. What people may not know is that small talk is SO hard. The processing thing comes back into play. I may be thinking about what you said ten minutes ago while you are way past that and talking about something entirely different. #Bigbangtheory 

Now I want to talk about my superpowers. Yes, we all have them. Let’s talk about how hyper fixation can be good. If I am really interested in something, I don’t give up. Such as riding a bike, never having training wheels, and riding it in one day. The summer before I started high school, I decided to take golf lessons. I was two weeks into having never picked up a club prior to that, and I joined the high school golf team. It wasn’t pretty in the beginning, but I didn’t give up. Fast forward three years, and I was one of our top golfers and had shaved 40 strokes off my game. At sixteen, I picked up a guitar and never looked back. I don’t consider myself an amazing guitarist, but I can hold my own. Playing guitar has become a great release; sit down and just forget for a while. #Superpower #Guitar #Golf

I’m in college now, and I do believe I have found my path. It has been a huge struggle. I was never a “techie” kid. But, boy, have I been thrown into the fire with computer and software programs I had never heard of before starting in the mass com program. I am totally out of my comfort zone now. This is again where my never-give-up attitude comes in handy. It may take two-three times longer to learn a program, but I’m still here! #Software #Stillhere